Believing in myself

Have you ever gotten to that point in you life where you know you are capable of so much more than you've done or hoped for?  That feeling that you've been holding yourself back from better things?

That's the feeling I've been feeling.  I always start with great aspirations only to fizzle out soon after starting.  I make huge goals then quickly forget them and go back to my same old routines.  I've allowed myself to get stuck in this pattern with my life.

It's time to change things up and start living my dreams instead of just setting them on a shelf for me to follow someday.  Over the next few days I am going to be writing my goals list for next year, not resolutions but actual goals that have a timeline and are measurable and that stretch me to be who I know I am and to do more than I currently think I am capable of.  Some of the goals have been dreams for a long time.  Some of them are relatively new.  All of them are going to require discipline and self control and focus.

I am nervous and excited and can't wait to see how things turn out.

Hope you'll join me for the journey.

Goals for the last week of 2013

Personal:

Write 3 blog posts

Finish reading Say Goodbye to Survival Mode and write review and blog post about it.

Voice Practice for 2 1/2 hrs

Mail letters and packages, yes, I am later getting a couple Christmas gifts out but I have very understanding loved ones.  Whew!

Parenting:

Finish reading Spirit Animals to lil man.  Start reading Artimis Foul to him.

Have one on one time with the oldest lil.

Health:

Walk at least 2 miles 4 days.

Drink 80 oz water daily

Relational:

Write 3 letters (and mail them) to friends.

Call my Aunt to encourage and catch up.

Crafty:

Finish the scarf I'm working on and make another as well.

Merry Christmas to one and all.

As I sit here at 2:30 in the afternoon still in my pj's, I reflect on what Christmas really means to me.

Christmas is...the reason for my hope and joy.  It astounds me that Jesus stepped out of Heaven to come to this world to endure all He did for me and all of humanity.

My life doesn't look like I want it to but I have a peace that God will bring me to the place HE wants me to be and that gives me a great joy.  I know as long as I stay focused on Jesus and not get distracted by all the stuff that comes at me, I will be okay in the end.  There's been a lot to get me discouraged and knock me off course but being anchored in Jesus, the perfecter of my faith, I am able to stay the course and keep smiling when circumstantially I should be crying.

Thank you God for sending Jesus to be my salvation and my director.  Help me to remember to come to you when life gets complicated and I start to panic because my problems seem larger than my hope.  You are bigger than anything I can come up against.

Ever have one of those days where you just want to run away but your responsible side keeps you grounded in place?  Well that was my today.  It was the perfect storm of not enough sleep, not enough coffee and too much stress.  Work, home, commuting all just added up.  But thru it all, even with tears in my eyes and a quivering lower lip, I made it and not only did I make it, I managed to do it while giving God the glory and praising His mighty and matchless name.  I'm not gonna lie, it was hard and I wanted to pout and be reactive and fuss and whine (okay, I may have done some of all of those things), but I looked to God and He kept me afloat and now I can just give thanks and pray that tomorrow is a little easier. 

Hope you are blessed in your day!

This year has been a year or stretching and growing and overcoming.  And the best part? It's only half over.  I don't know where I will end up by the end of the year but as long as I'm with God and He's directing my steps I know I will be in a good place. 

At the beginning of the year, I got Isaiah 41:10 tattooed on my forearm.  God has been working with me for a long time about fear and anxiety.  He said enough is enough and told me the scripture to get to serve as a reminder for the rest of my days. 

I still wrestle with fear from time to time and don't like to step out of my comfort zone but when I do He has been faithful by being there with me and meeting me where I'm at. 

In March, I went on a women's leadership retreat.  Although I knew many of the women there, I went alone and almost chickened out but God spoke to me as He so often does..."You could do that but do you really want to miss out?" and of course He likes to use lines I use on my children right back at me, keeping me humble by reminding me that many of my kids traits come from me.  "Do you really think I would make you go it alone?  Or that I have bad things in store for you?"  Sometimes I need those reminders.  So I went to the retreat.  I spent Friday night on the verge of tears and barely slept and then Saturday morning I knew God had something for me when a tissue box was dropped on the floor next to my seat.  Sure enough!  I couldnt tell you what that session was about but I can tell you God addressed my identity and where I have held to misconception and other peoples disappointments as a reflection of my true worth.  As if that wasn't enough of a growing experience I received a word from Him while I was walking on the beach.  I shared with one of the women there that I trust much and she later asked me to share with the entire group.  Then I received a request that would take me out of my way and mess with my plans for heading home but I said yes.  I'm glad I did.  It was a nice trip home and a time of blessing.  I got to deepen a friendship that afternoon. 

And that only carries us up to date thru March.  Let's jump ahead a smidgen and share my current stretching.

I asked God for a list of things I could do to increase my income (trying to save for some lofty goals) and He gave me quite an interesting list.  At the top of the list was write.  You have no idea how excited this made me.  I have dreamed of writing and writing stuff that matters since I was a little girl of 5 years old getting my first dictionary for my birthday.  For those that are wondering, yes, I still have that dictionary.  But I digress.  Other things included selling jewelry that I design.  The last one came out of left field, never been a thought ever so I know it had to be God...voiceovers for commericials and audio books etc.  I'm still looking into that one.  Who knows where it will lead but I am excited at the possibilities. 

Well that just about catches you up with my world and my walk.  God is good and He is faithful and He will lead me too good places.  Those places may not always be easy but they are necessary for my growth and refining so I will keep my eyes on Him and hold his hand and when His hand isn't available I will hold the hem of his garment. 

Thanks for being here.  Come back soon.  It won't be so long til my next post.